Poetry

I cannot write poems
They come out all wrong
What sounded nice in mind
Sounds awful spoken aloud
It should be obvious to you
By reading what I write now
So there you go
My awful poem about how
I cannot write poems

Derek

Derek lead us here.
Dead end.
Derek's dead now.
Asshole.

Life

Alas depression my muse, when I have thee I want you gone, when you leave me I miss thy inspiration. Such is the life of one who attempts to write.

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Defective Illusions

...And it's been a while.....

Depressing title, not a depressing post.

I'm happy, I'm good again, my camera is broken and I'm jobless, but I'm working on it, and my boyfriend says I can use his laptop for filming myself and posting videos - so the quality may not be great - but I will soon be posting again!

- Defective Illusions

A Little Bit of Pain

So an update with me.

My parents kicked me out again, I believe I'm not moving back no matter what this time, I broke up with my boyfriend - mostly because he is a complete dumbass and it took me way too long to realize that.

Uuuuhm...I'm working on posting a video... hopefully I can post a lot more videos soon...but it's going to take some time especially since I'm sleeping on peoples couches presently until I can get a job.

But that's life. Thank god I have good friends.

Shiney New Day

It's a shiney new day, kinda rough on the eyes, but good for your heart I suppose.

Fixed things with my best friend, back together with my boyfriend, and life is pretty damn good.

Well except for the part where I don't have a job...but I'm working on that.

A Hazy Day

Have you ever had a day where everything was hazy, not quite there.

I am sad today I find. It is a slump prehaps. Though admittedly I have reason for sadness today.

I find sad is better than depressed in many ways, though it is just as hazy - I am not numb. I feel.

And while what I am feeling today is sadness, it is a blessing in someways, because it is something.

I feel something.

I look at the world today, and it is beautiful and silent, undisturbed; it's as though I have a lens over my eyes brushing away all distrubances - all mars on this perfect vision.

It is so beautiful, it is cry worthy.

I do need people, like anyone else, but at times I wish that should I go outside, I'd find only a forest.

Yes, a beautiful forest with a whispering brook, it's trying to get my attention, and if I learn to listen close enough I can learn the secrets that I've been searching for my entire life.

To drift into something so perfect, to dream of my perfect place, it is taunting.

I sit here at this desk, and I dream of somewhere without pain, people, effort.

Such a place does not exsist.


To Any Of My You Tube Veiwers: I'm sure if you've read this you'll realize that while writing I am given to dramatics, but I find I am also much more eloquent...and also slightly...nonsensical. I tend to trail off, but thank you for taking a look.